Before I knew, or so they say.
Oh to be young, full of hope, with a life plan that will play out just as you envision. Just work hard enough, keep smiling and all will be yours…right?
Don’t get me wrong, I still follow these morals with the same enthusiasm as my younger self did whilst grasping the bass line to Nirvana’s Lounge act for the first time.
As an artist in any form, whether musician, painter, sculpter or free dancer, if you lose this self belief, drive and enjoyment from your passion then its over. You may as well walk into your local bank, pronounce your desire to rip off your fellow neighbour whilst being knowingly lied to by your fascist oppressor and put the kettle on, job done.
Life paths are rarely as imagined, and this is the beauty of the journey. Being able to adapt and haul yourself back up once being knocked down and to keep your ideals, morals and dreams at the forefront of your drive.
So to the lyrics of Before Now, written by James. Speculating on past ideals, and accepting the painful truths of the present whilst keeping focused on the morals with which you wish to live by.
Before Now
Before I knew or so they say
I never lost but got my own way
Before the melting glacial snow
All those days seem so long ago
Before our eyes opened up so wide
Heard doubtful voices deep inside
Before love left all her cruel marks
And wisdom wound all my hopes dark
Before loneliness squatted your halls
And west moved east against your call
Before bitterness claimed rightful place
And hope lost all her sugar coated taste
I will wait for you
Before and now it’s the least I can do
And now it’s here in the guilt blood red
In my nervous veins long unfed
And now it’s here jousting at my skin
Facing up to facts that I couldn’t let you in
I don’t want to grow old, not like this
I just want to live free, free to exist